


The Burning of the Goat

by AbschaumNo1



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Crack, Multi, these guys are so chaotic i couldn't resist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:40:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28488447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbschaumNo1/pseuds/AbschaumNo1
Summary: It was Keralis who built the goat.
Relationships: Grian/Zedaph/impulseSV/Tango Tek
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	The Burning of the Goat

**Author's Note:**

> Annnnd this is present part 2 for the lovely B!  
> This was a spontaneous idea that came over me, but it was too good to pass up.
> 
> For those who do not already know: This entire fic is a reference to the Gävle Goat in Sweden, the world's largest straw goat. It has a history of being burned down, and it has not burned since 2016 which is the longest period of not getting burned down in its history. 
> 
> Combining that with the Hermits just felt very fitting tbh.

It was Keralis who built the goat.  
“Why a goat?” Grian asked, a little puzzled, when they first saw it.  
“It’s a tradition back home,” Keralis said. “Every year a large goat is built in the main square of the city.”  
Grian tilted his head as he looked at the goat, probably already considering if he could prank it somehow, if Impulse had to guess.  
Of course this was when Iskall decided to butt in.  
“But you’re forgetting the best part of the tradition, Keralis,” he said, the glint in his eyes promising trouble. “The burning of the goat.”  
Impulse had to suppress a sigh at the looks Grian, Tango and Zed exchanged at his words, before Tango asked, “The…burning of the goat?”  
Iskall nodded. “Exactly. Every year the goat is built, and every year people try to burn it down. Some years they succeed, some years they don’t. But people say that it’s only a good Christmas if the goat burns.”  
Impulse’s boyfriends exchanged another look, and this time Impulse had to sigh. He already knew where this was going.

“You can’t burn the goat,” he said later that evening, after finding all three of his boyfriends sticking their heads together over the kitchen table and whispering furiously. “Keralis clearly didn’t want to tell anyone about that part of the tradition. Just because Iskall told you some story about burning the goat doesn’t mean you can or should burn it.”  
Zed pouted at him. “But Impulse. You heard Iskall, too. If the goat doesn’t burn we don’t get a good Christmas.”  
Impulse sighed. “I can't stop you three, can I?”  
"You know us better than that Pulsey." Tango looked unrepentant and Impulse sighed again.  
“Okay but you don't try to pull everyone into another war.”  
“We would never,” Grian said, even though the mischievous glint in his eyes told Impulse that he had at least considered it.  
With another sigh Impulse pulled out the fourth chair and sat down.  
“Alright, so what do you have so far?”

As it turned out despite being the one who told them about the goat burning, Iskall was firmly on the side of not burning it down.  
“It's just a story, dude,” he said. “There's been plenty of good Christmases when the goat didn't burn.”  
“But do you really want to risk it?” Grian said.  
“Yeah I will. It's not even the real thing.”

It didn't deter any of Impulse's boyfriends and he kept having to shoot down their more outlandish ideas.  
And then Doc got involved. They were pretending to have a picnic in the shopping district while they were trying to stake out the goat and come up with better ideas, when Doc set up camp right underneath the goat. They should have expected it, he was dead serious about his goatmother business, and there was no way he would stand by while another goat burned.  
“So how will we get past Doc?” Impulse said, leaning back on his elbows.  
“Distraction?” Tango offered, but even he didn't sound fully convinced of the idea.  
“He'll have to sleep eventually, right?” Zed said.  
“He has to. His eye doesn't,” Impulse reminded him.  
“We'll think of something,” Grian said. “We need to figure out how to burn it first.”

In the end it was neither of them who did the burning.  
Mumbo had been fiddling with something around one of his shops, and no one quite knew how but he had managed to launch a fire charge straight at the goat. The hay bales had caught fire immediately.  
Of course no one knew that right after it happened, and since he and Tango were in the vicinity, Doc's eyes immediately fell on them when he realised.  
"How?" he asked, more disbelieving than angry. "How did you do that?"  
“It wasn't us!” Tango said. “I swear!”  
Doc looked at Impulse, looking like he didn't quite believe that.  
“Don't look at me,” Impulse said. “I did nothing. And neither did he. We were just on our way to the Emporium. Checking for profits and seeing if I gotta stock up.”  
Doc huffed, but before he could say more Mumbo barrelled past them.  
“Oh no. Oh no,” he said. "That wasn't meant to happen. What am I gonna do?"  
Impulse exchanged a look with Doc and Tango.  
“Hey Mumbo,” Doc said. “Calm down bro.”  
Mumbo turned around them with a slightly panicked squeal. “I swear I didn't want to, Doc!”  
“Bro it's fine. Take a deep breath. It was an accident.”  
“How am I going to explain this to Keralis?”  
“I'm sure Keralis will understand,” Impulse said. “Just tell him it was an accident.”  
“I…” Mumbo took a deep breath. “Yeah, I'll do that. And then I'll offer to rebuild it. Or whatever he wants as compensation.”  
“See that sounds reasonable.”  
“I'll message him right away.”  
Tango turned his head at the sound of rockets above them and said, “I don't think you'll have to.”  
Sure enough, Keralis landed right beside them only a moment later.  
“Oh no,” he said. “My goat! What happened?”  
“I'm so sorry Keralis.” Mumbo swallowed. “I was tinkering with something and accidentally launched a fire charge right at it.”  
“Mumbo!”  
"I'll rebuild it if you want! I'll….I'll do anything to make up for it."  
Keralis shook his head sadly, and Mumbo gulped audibly. But when Keralis looked up again he was smiling.  
“Thank you Mumbo. I was going to burn it before Christmas, but now I won't have to.”  
They were all silent for a moment while they worked through that before Tango said, "Wait a minute. You were going to burn it anyway? Why didn't you say so?"  
Keralis shrugged. “You had so much fun trying to come up with a plan.”  
Tango spluttered. “So it was all for nothing then? Was Doc in on it as well?”  
Doc raised both hands, chuckling. “I'm innocent. I didn't know either, man.”  
Impulse had to laugh as Tango let his head fall against his shoulder with a groan.  
"All for nothing, Pulsey. We were gonna pull off the best… burnification ever."  
Impulse patted his shoulder. “There there. We'll find you something else to burn. We can go burn some hay bales out in my industrial district if you really want.”  
“Can we pick up Grian and Zed on the way there?”  
“Sure we can.”  
Impulse barely got to say goodbye to the others before Tango had dragged him away. He laughed fondly as he followed him towards Zed's base.

Impulse watched from the top of his storage system as his boyfriends launched another hay bale into the air to try and hit it with whichever burning weapon they had decided on for this round. He shook his head fondly as they missed once again, his hand buried in Clifford's fur where he was lying next to him, sleepily watching.  
It was going to be a good Christmas, he could feel it.


End file.
